


Thousand Times Worse. Or Better?

by elirwen



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-06 19:52:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5428616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elirwen/pseuds/elirwen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Forced by Morgana's nagging, Arthur visits soulbond guidance office. Merlin Emrys is asigned to be his guide. That's where the simple ends and complicated begins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thousand Times Worse. Or Better?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Elveatas (Ricecake)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ricecake/gifts).



> Dear Elveatas, I chose the "rething omega verse" prompt. In the end it's less about omega verse and more about the topic of soulbonds. Sorry about that. Hope you'll still like it. And happy holidays! :)

“Arthur Pendragon?” a voice pulls Arthur from thinking about the work waiting for him in his office. 

“Yes,” he confirms, taking in he guy standing in front of him.

Tall, slender, with just the right amount of muscles to fill out his shirt quite nicely. Arthur's gaze lingers a moment on the man's full lips and sharp cheekbones. 

“I'm sorry for the delay. This time of year is especially busy. Majority of summer born eighteen-year-olds starts making appointments after their summer holiday and then we're completely swamped for several weeks,” the man apologizes. 

Arthur waves the apology away, wanting the whole ordeal dealt with as quick as possible. He doesn't really believe in the usefulness of the service, but if he didn't at least try, Morgana wouldn't stop nagging him.

“I'm Merlin Emrys, and I've been assigned to be your guide,” the man continues. “If you could follow me.”

He gestures in the direction of one of the side corridors. They walk through it to a small office which is painted and furnished in warm tones of yellow and orange.

“Make yourself comfortable,” Merlin says, motioning towards a comfy looking armchair in the middle of the room. 

Arthur takes of his suit jacket and lays it over the back of the armchair before sitting down and undoing his cufflinks. Merlin settles into an office chair in front of Arthur, smiling. 

“I'm sure you already know everything relevant about what's going to happen now, but I'll go over it anyway. Just to make sure. Is that okay?” 

“Sure,” Arthur replies, hoping the guy will be brief.

He might be a little bit nervous, even while not believing in the practice.

“In a few moments, I will take your hands and hold them for a while. I will need some time to attune to you, but once I do, I should be able to get a vision that will reveal some information about your soulmate. Some visions are fairly straightforward, but some are quite symbolic, so it's possible that even my guidance won't help in finding them, or we might need a few more sessions.” 

Arthur rolls his eyes. Of course they warn for failure. It's all just a matter of chance and carefully planned guesswork. 

“Could we just get it over with?” he asks, checking the time on his watch. “I don't expect to succeed. I just need to try so my sister will stop nagging me about it.” 

Merlin seems a bit taken aback by Arthur's words and just nods, wheeling the chair a bit closer. He takes hold of Arthur's hands, not squeezing, just letting them rest in his open palms, and closes his eyes. Not more than five seconds later, he pulls away, looking at Arthur with a startled expression.

“What?” Arthur asks, irritated.

“The vision started sooner than I expected. It never happens this fast.” 

“And you're complaining? I just told you that fast is actually preferable.” 

Merlin's eyes narrow and he bites his lip, obviously stopping himself from some retort. He holds Arthur's hands again, gripping them tight this time. It takes much longer for Merlin to pull away. Arthur spends long minutes studying the pictures on the wall, trying to read the titles in the library on the left side of the room. 

When Merlin finally lets go, he watches Arthur with a strange expression on his face and stumbles to his feet.

“I'm afraid I'll need a consult on this case,” he says.

“You're more useless than I originally thought,” Arthur says.

“And you're more of a prat than I originally thought,” Merlin shoots back, leaving the room.

 

*

 

Merlin wants the day to finally be over.

After spending over an hour with a client whose visions were highly unreadable and another one with a client coming for his fifth session who spent half of it crying, convinced he was doomed to spend his life without his omega, his next meeting, an incredibly posh looking alpha, proves to be just another hindrance in his already horrible day. Merlin can almost feel his negativity without even checking the guy's aura. And then the really crazy stuff begins.

First, a vision starts just a few seconds after their skin meets. When he gets over the initial shock and tries again, the vision turns incredibly bright. He bears through it and starts unravelling the hints about Arthur's omega. That's when the things get really weird. One after another, the leads copy Merlin's own interests and characteristics. Merlin refuses to accept his powers would fail him in such a way. He's as focused as ever. There's no way he's distracted enough to project himself into his client's vision. So he digs deeper into the web of knowledge, but it only makes him more and more sure that he's looking at his own description.

He retreats from his office after uttering words that one definitely can't find in an employee manual and hurries to Gaius's door, knocking urgently.

“Come in,” Gaius's voice can be heard through the door.

“I need your help,” he blurts out the moment he practically falls through the door. 

“What's the matter?” Gaius asks, one eyebrow already raised.

“I must have messed up,” Merlin says. “I have a new client and his visions are all about me.” 

“I've never heard of that happening,” Gaius says. “I suppose you want me to try.”

“Yes, Gaius, thank you.”

 

*

 

Arthur only grits his teeth when he learns another seer will be trying to 'read his future'. It takes more long minutes of complete boredom for the man to wake up from his trance and he doesn't seem particularly happy with what he saw, retreating to the other side of the room and conversing with Merlin in hushed voices. 

“Could someone tell me what is happening?” he asks, his patience running out.

Merlin takes a few steps towards Arthur and a few deep breaths before he finally says, “it seems the universe thinks I am your soulmate.” 

“Are you joking?” Arthur asks, his gaze jumping from Merlin to Gaius. 

“Unfortunately not.” 

“Unfortunately?” Arthur nearly shouts.

“You insulted me. Do you expect me to be happy about being your soulmate?” 

“I always said this whole magical business is bullshit. I bet you do this to every other client.”

“I'll have you know we have over 95% rate of satisfied customers,” Merlin yells back.

“You expect me to believe a word you say? I'm done with this,” Arthur says, storming out of the office and swearing to himself never to return. He has no time to deal with idiots.

 

*

 

When the anger subsides and the reality of what Gaius said to him sinks in, Merlin's mood turns sour. Gaius sends him home, promising to reschedule his next day's clients. He walks home, trying not to thing about possibly losing his soulmate before he even had the chance to get to know him. He never really hoped to find his other half, knowing the odds were never in his favour.

As a fairly powerful seer and an omega, he has one serious disadvantage. The testing for soulmates doesn't work on him which puts the whole weight of finding his soulmate either on the power of destiny or on his alpha's wish to find him. The situation in society might have changed a lot in the past few decades, a lot more alphas entering the soulbond guidance offices, but the whole ordeal is still mainly omegas' play field. Only about 20% of alphas use their services. 

Two different emotions are warring inside him. Anger, because his supposed alpha is a prat, and sadness of possibly losing his future partner. If Arthur Pendragon really is his mate, and Gaius has never been wrong before, whoever he'll choose to live with from now on won't be his soulmate and he will be aware of the fact. He's afraid he'll always yearn for that something unknown that could have been, damaging all his future relationships that might be amazing if things were different. Or, and that thought is especially terrifying, he might stay alone forever, unable to commit.

He heads straight to bed when he gets home, burrowing himself under the covers, and tries to force himself to sleep.

 

*

 

Arthur's phone starts blaring, Morgana's name on the screen. He considers not picking up, but he did all this to stop Morgana's pestering and not answering now wouldn't help with that. 

“Yes,” he answers the call.

“Hello to you too, dear brother,” Morgana says. “How did it go? I want all the details.”

“It's none of your business,” he says.

“What did you do?” she asks.

“Why do you always assume I did something wrong?”

“Because your people skills are horrible.” 

“I went there, okay? Isn't it what you wanted? It didn't work out. End of story.”

“I know you. There must be more. Did they not find anyone? Is that why you're so bitter? You know it doesn't always work right away. I know people who needed more than three sittings to find their mate. Not a single one of them regrets the effort and time spent.” 

“You know my view on the matter. I don't believe in all this nonsense. They're just manipulating us.”

“You sound exactly like Uther.” 

“And what if I do? What's so wrong about that? My mother was supposed to be his soulmate. It didn't stop her from leaving him for Nimueh.”

“Because he cheated on her,” Morgana shouts. “He slept with my mother when Ygraine was pregnant with you. She stayed with him until you were old enough to handle their divorce, but their bond has been broken for years. Uther broke that bond. And it's not just about one mistake. Do you really believe that my mother was his only mistress?”

“Morgana,...” 

“No. Stop being so damn blind! Uther isn't flawless. He isn't a hero. The bond wouldn't break if he didn't take it for granted. Having a soulmate doesn't mean you can do whatever you want to them and have the bond unaffected. Finding your soulmate is an opportunity. It's not just about true love. It's about partnership, about having someone to lean on, someone who understands you.”

“I know you miss her,” her tone softens. “Maybe she'd still be alive if she didn't leave. Maybe. Maybe not. Accidents happen everywhere, not just on highways in Germany.”

“I know,” Arthur says, hating the slight wobble in his voice. “But I still don't believe in soulmates.”

“What about Lancelot and Gwen, Gwaine and Elena, me and Leon. Are we not big enough proof?”

“So I'm supposed to trust some big destiny that it will give me happiness? No, thank you.”

“Were you even listening? Your actions are what matters. Do you plan to selfishly use your future partner? To break their trust?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why don't you at least give it a go. Even if you were right and soulmates didn't exist, the worst thing that could happen would be a few really awkward dates.” 

“I don't know...”

“It's not like anything could be worse than the time you were dating Vivian.”

“I'm fine by myself, okay? Maybe I just don't need anyone.”

Even as he says it, Arthur knows it's a lie. He's spent quite a lot of time thinking about what future might have in store for him. Morgana might not know about it, but he does think about sharing his life with all its highs and lows with someone else. A part of him, bigger than he's willing to admit even to himself, wants to settle down and enjoy the warmth of his omega's embrace.

He also isn't blind. He knows Uther isn't flawless. He knows his father was the one to ruin his marriage. It's easier to force himself into not believing soulbonds exist. It's easier than the constant worry about all the possibilities how his own future could go wrong. He's not even that scared that he could ruin the bond. No. He's terrified that he'd be the one left with a broken heart. 

“Arthur, I know you. You don't have to lie to me.”

“Please, could we just not talk about this anymore? I'm tired,” Arthur says, not even lying. 

“Fine. But only because you practically never say please,” Morgana says. “Just think about it once your head is clearer, okay? That's all I ask.”

“Okay, I will,” he promises.

They exchange their goodbyes and Arthur deposits the phone on his night stand.

His mind goes back to Merlin. He remembers his confusion, making him all wide eyed. His anger, flooding his cheeks with red. The glimpse of hurt he caught reflected in his eyes as he was leaving the office.

He sits down on the bed, resting his head in his palms. The realization of what his fear and subsequent rudeness caused seeps into his bones.

He fucked up.

 

*

 

It's weird. After such a revelation, Merlin expected some big change in his life. At the very least, he expected to feel different. But after that one free day Gaius granted him and which he spent mostly hiding in bed and reading, Merlin's life is pretty much back to normal. 

Yes, his mind sometimes wanders off to the short memory of his prattish mate, but it doesn't happen too often to stop him from working and generally functioning. 

He might have hoped Arthur would return and apologize in the first few days and the rejection still stings, but he's just glad that he didn't fall into some really bad depressed state. He read about these things happening when things went wrong between potential mates. 

Gaius has been watching him carefully for the past two weeks and he knows he's the reason why suddenly all his friends seem to want to take him out for dinner, lunch, trip to zoo, or even sightseeing. He's sure Gaius didn't tell them the exact reason for his worry. He would hear at least dozen variations of “he's dumb and doesn't deserve you” by now if that was the case. 

All in all, he's quite proud of himself for doing this well. He smiles at his own reflection, drying his hands, and leaves the bathroom. He's more than ready for his next client.

As fate would have it, the person waiting for him in front of his office is Arthur.

 

*

 

If anyone would ask why it took Arthur this long to go meet Merlin again, he'd claim that his job kept him too busy. While it is partially true with the sudden onslaught of issues that needed to be fixed as soon as possible, it isn't a complete truth. He simply wasn't sure how to deal with the situation.

Days ran past and he still didn't have any idea how to clean his mess most efficiently. Until one morning, washing away the remnants of shaving cream and staring at himself in the mirror, he realizes he'll never come up with some miraculous scenario that could solve things seamlessly.

And so instead of going to work, he heads straight for the soulbond guidance office.

He considers knocking on the door to Merlin's office, but thinks better of it. Merlin might be in the middle of a session. So he leans against the wall and settles for what could turn out to be a really long wait.

Not a minute later, someone enters the hallway. Arthur looks up automatically. It's Merlin. His pace falters, surprise flashing across his features, but soon he composes himself and continues walking towards Arthur who straightens himself and turns to face him completely. 

“Hello, Arthur. What can I do for you?” Merlin says, his tone professional and well practised, just like the smile on his face.

“Hello, Merlin,” Arthur says, the name strangely familiar on his lips, even though he never really said it out loud. “I came to apologize for my behaviour during our last meeting. It wasn't fair to you and your superior.”

Damn, why is he so nervous? He shouldn't be this nervous. Merlin's expression stays neutral, waiting for Arthur to say more, but all the words seem to have left Arthur. Traitors. 

“Is that all?” Merlin asks after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. “You could have sent an e-mail.”

“I, uh…” He takes a deep breath to collect himself. “The revelation was rather sudden. I'm not proud of reacting the way I did. Which is why I wanted to apologize in person.”

“Apology accepted,” Merlin says, but he's still guarded and cold.

“I was also wondering whether you would like to go get dinner with me sometime.”

Merlin glances down for a moment before meeting Arthur's eyes again.

“So now you believe in soulmates? How long before it changes again? Why should I want to risk it?” Merlin asks.

Arthur nods in understanding.

“I won't bother you again,” he says, turning to leave.

“Wait,” Merlin says, his fingers brushing against Arthur's forearm. “We could go for coffee. As friends.”

 

*

 

Love is difficult to describe. The pleasant fluttering one gets from seeing, or just thinking about, their loved one. The worrying the other doesn't feel the same. The happiness at seeing smile on the other's face. The uneasiness when they look tired or hurt.

Soulbond is thousand times worse. Or better? 

Merlin knows he's fallen too far. They are still just friends, getting to know each other. They haven't even kissed yet. But Merlin knows there is no way back for him. If Arthur decides he doesn't want to give their bond a chance, Merlin will be ruined. 

 

*

 

Arthur wants nothing more than to reach out and pull Merlin close, kiss his lips and drag him to his bed. He's not even thinking about sex. Well, mostly he isn't. He just really wants to keep Merlin's constantly freezing limbs warm and safe under the covers and in his arms.

But is it the right time or is it too soon? They've been going out for three months. Is it okay to be more than friends now or would Merlin push him away again? Arthur doesn't think he would, but he's not willing to bet everything on his guess yet.

 

*

 

It took Merlin too long to realize Arthur will never make the first move. In other parts of his life incredibly confident alpha doesn't want to risk being told no again. In a way, Merlin has only himself to blame with how he reacted to Arthur's dinner invitation months ago.

He knows it's time though. And he honestly couldn't handle spending Valentine's day without Arthur. His dinner invitation is met with a yes and the biggest smile he's ever seen on Arthur's face.

“I'll see you in two hours,” Merlin says at the end of their phone call before their first official date. 

“Don't be late,” Arthur says for the fifth time, making Merlin laugh.

“Am I ever?”

Merlin doesn't hear Arthur's answer because in just that moment, something knocks his phone out of his hand. He looks at the phone on the ground and then around, spotting Mordred, one of his long term clients, standing in the foyer. 

“You don't deserve it,” Mordred says, his fists clenched. 

“What are you talking about?” Merlin asks, stepping closer, his phone forgotten on the ground.

“Everyone is happy and mated, but you can't find anyone for me,” Mordred growls and suddenly he's moving towards Merlin pushing him against the wall. 

Not expecting violence, Merlin doesn't fight back in time. Sharp pain blooms in his side and only then his magic sends Mordred flying across the room. He lands with a thud, but gets up quickly while Merlin's knees buckle under him as he stares at the knife lodged in his stomach. He slides down the wall, putting up a protective barrier to stop Mordred from finishing what he started. 

“I'll take him away from you,” Mordred says, manic gleam to his eyes. “There's magic that can transfer soulbond. It's ancient and dark. Requires human sacrifice.” 

“No,” Merlin says, fighting to stay conscious. 

His phone is too far away so he pulls it closer with his magic. The screen is broken, the whole device unresponsive.

“You can't stop me. He'll be mine,” Mordred says, kneeling in front of Merlin's protective bubble.

Merlin gathers the last bits of strength from his panic and fear for Arthur and hurls primal magic at Mordred, focusing his remaining mental capacities on knocking Mordred out for as long as possible. Thankfully, Mordred is cocky. He doesn't see Merlin as danger any more, leaving himself wide open.

The next second his unconscious form lies sprawled in the middle of the hall. 

Merlin considers calling for help but he knows there's no one near. Everyone left already. He was the last one to stay and catch up on some of his paperwork. How Mordred could know about that, Merlin has no clue. 

He needs to call himself an ambulance and fast, grey entering his vision. He lifts his hand to search Mordred for his phone, but his body betrays him and he slumps to the side, unconscious.

 

*

 

Their call gets disconnected before either of them say goodbye and Arthur frowns at his phone in confusion. He dials Merlin's number again, but it doesn't even ring, claiming the number is unavailable. He tries again with the same result and worry settles into his stomach. Something isn't right.

It takes him about 15 minutes to get from where he is to Merlin's workplace. Another three minutes before he gets out of the lift on the right floor.

First, he sees a stranger sprawled next to a coffee table. Then his eyes sweep to the side and settle on Merlin's crumpled form, blood staining his shirt and dripping to the floor. 

He's dialling emergency even before he lands in front of Merlin, pressing his fingers to his neck, praying to all the deities to find the pulse, to feel him breathing.

 

*

 

Grunt of pain leaves Merlin's lips, his eyes fluttering open. He's confused for a few seconds before he remembers Mordred. He tries to move, to get up, but a hand stops him.

“Don't move. Ambulance is coming,” Arthur says, hand that doesn't hold a piece of fabric around the knife still sticking from his stomach caressing his face. “You'll be okay. Just stay with me.”

Merlin tries to smile, but it probably looks like a grimace. He's not sure he'll be able to stay awake. He's not even sure he'll survive until the paramedics arrive. He forces his eyes to stay open, drinks Arthur in, concentrates on the gentle touch of his fingers on his face.

“I love you,” Merlin breathes out, needing to say it at least once in his life. 

Mordred might have taken his future from him, but he can't let him take absolutely everything. He needs to make the most with these last few moments with his mate.

“Don't...” Arthur chokes on the word. “You're not dying, do you hear me? You'll make it through.”

“Arthur,...” Merlin breathes out, grey once again entering his vision. 

“I love you,” Arthur whispers, his lips pressing to Merlin's for a fraction of a second. And then again. And again. “Please, stay with me. Don't...” 

Merlin doesn't hear any more, his consciousness leaving him.

 

*

 

Hands tug him away from Merlin and he fights them for a few moments before he snaps back to his senses, letting the paramedics do their jobs. He rides with them in the back of the ambulance, his limbs shaking, staring at his hands covered in Merlin's blood, the fresh red drying into crusty brown. 

Once in the hospital, Merlin wheeled away to the surgery, one of the nurses leads him to the bathroom and watches over him while he washes his hands. She dials Morgana in his stead. His fingers won't stop shaking.

 

*

 

First, Merlin registers warmth. He likes it. Second, he registers beeping. He's not a big fan. Third, he registers dull pain all around his stomach. He could definitely live without that.

After that, sensations start flooding his senses faster. 

A sharp smell of disinfection. Fingers wrapped around his left hand. Something on his face. His full bladder. The sound of someone's deep breathing.

He opens his eyes to a dim light of what is obviously a hospital room. Because Mordred tried to kill him and failed. Obviously. 

He blinks a few times to clear his vision and glances to the left, his lips curving into a smile when he sees Arthur's sleeping face mere inches away. 

Of course the first bed they'd end up sharing would be the hospital mate bed. He's kind of surprised he's not in a regular bed. Mate beds are usually given only to married pairs. No matter how that happened, he is glad. It's a well known fact that the close presence of one's mate helps with the healing process. 

 

*

 

After reviewing the security camera feeds and writing down Merlin's testimony, Mordred is officially charged with attempted murder and sent to prison to await trial. 

Merlin is sent home from the hospital after a week, and instead of having their first date, they jump straight into relationship with Arthur basically moving in to help him during his recovery. 

None of them mention the love declaration they exchanged, but they don't ignore them either. Intimate touches become natural. Gentle kisses are shared without hesitation. As Merlin heals, their partner life gets richer and richer. Each day brings at least one new possibility to explore and learn something about the other's body. 

When Arthur sinks into Merlin's body for the first time, weeks after the incident with Mordred, he knows dozens of ways to make Merlin gasp in pleasure. There is no urgency. No desperate need. 

When their bond flares and settles deep inside their soul, it doesn't even seem all that different. It's just like covering the already solid wall with paint. Mostly symbolic. A cherry on top of a cake. 

When they exchange their marriage vows three month later in front of their family and friends, tears gleaming in both of their eyes, they only vocalize the promises their lips have already pressed into each other's skin a hundred times.


End file.
